end scene...

I look at this picture and cannot believe that its me and not lifted from a bridal magazine/website/etc...


(photo by dantewilliams.com & colormekatie.com)

and thats why you cant get caught up.  during the day prior to and the day of the wedding, about a ton of things went wrong...  from flowers that were half dead & the wrong color to details we spent all sorts of time & money on that were never even seen by our guests (for various reasons), to other things - there were issues.

there are issues at every wedding - but all the rest of us see are the magazine-worthy pictures...  and we obsess with having everything be just as perfect as we see in those pictures, but i can tell you - this picture?  this perfect picture?  it wasnt posed.  i'm not looking down thoughtfully...  my other hand is probably trying to grab my train since my bustle was broken within about 5 minutes and i'm probably trying to wipe some of the central park dirt off of my dress or avoid stepping in dog crap...

but what do you see?  you see this picture of perfection.  this picture of little old imperfect me that has been viewed thousands and thousands of times and landed on inspiration boards already.  this picture that, for the rest of my life, will make it look like i had a magazine-worthy wedding.  and you know what?  I did.  because sure, a million things went wrong, and if you want to pick it apart to satisfy your own competitive spirit, you can.

but you know what didnt go wrong?  we got married.  to a string trio playing the foo fighters & the beatles.  in central park.  with a party in the most dramatic reception space i've ever seen.  we planned a fun reception where the only way people didnt have fun and dance is if they didnt want to (we all know those people - dont let them dictate the rest of your wedding!)  every time i saw something going astray, i asked myself, does this change whether anyone is having fun?  as long as the answer was no (and it always was - custom cocktail napkins dont actually contribute to fun) i decided to not waste even another second thinking about it...

because, in the end, those issues didnt matter...  weddings shouldnt be about egos or impressing people - they are about two people getting married & then celebrating the best way they know how.  and anyone who is at your wedding for the right reasons feels that way too.

and as long as you remember that, every wedding is magazine-worthy.

breathe...

i do not recommend wedding planning the way we are doing it to anyone.

because, oh my god, the projects.

things we have taken on:
dessert buffet/candy favor table
champagne cocktail & cider-spiking table
pre-ceremony snacks
all signage for ceremony & reception inc. programs
all flowers (i have NO background in floral arrangement, by the way...)
my veil
ketubah design & printing

huh.  writing it all down there makes it seem WAY less daunting as a lot of those things are under control already...  so why the hell am i so stressed out???

oh yeah, cause under control does not = done...  we still have to FINISH this shit...

not for the faint of heart...

this wedding planning business - its for the birds.

or at least for the less-opinionated...

last night we spent 3 hours or so thinking we had to redo our centerpieces.

centerpieces that we had hammered out back in like, February.

after 3 hours of deliberations, we realized we were sticking with the original plan.

seriously?  i'd like those 3 hours back, please...

However, 4 weeks out is looking significantly better than 5 weeks out did...  even with those 3 hours lost...
still would like to lose 10lbs but i've come to terms with it...  we still dont have a florist, but i dont know if i need one anymore - centerpiece designs are DONE...  we've got the room layout, the kehtuba is nearly done, the logo is final, the videographer resurfaced, the tablecloths are ordered (and cheaper than expected!  woo!)  Programs have been mentally designed - just need to have a final meeting with the minister, as have menus, pending final caterer meeting, which is scheduled...

and just for fun?  i added in a makeup lesson.  you know, cause i wasnt busy enough...

 

what do you mean its less than 5 weeks away?

hold on, let me get this straight...  in less 5 weeks, the wedding will be a memory...

say what?

i've had no alterations on my dress, still have 10lbs more to lose (pipe dream, that one), no florist, no centerpieces, it appears my tablecloths have been discontinued, my videographer quit, we have no limos, no logo, no programs, no menus, only half of the dessert planned out, no room layout, no photobooth props, no bridal party gifts, no kehtuba, no readings, my veil isnt done, jewelry isnt picked out.

and i'm supposed to hold down a job while finishing it all up?

seriously???

now we both hate the wedding.

the problem with being this close is that now, all of those projects that we'd do later - they have to be done now.

and last week, i got caught up in what has to be the most insane, out of control, pointless wedding project ever.

envelope liners.

no one except myself and other recent/soontobe brides will even notice that the envelope liners are there.  no one will care.  i dont even care - until i do.  because the place we were originally going to order these invites from - they had lined envelopes.  and then the place we ended up ordering from - they didnt.  I wouldnt have even given them a second thought except that first we had them and then we didnt.  so now, i obsess over the exact angle to cut the exact paper (which, it turns out, is actually a bit too dark - grr...) and the exact attachment method...

last night i cut 75 sheets of paper into perfect 8 5/8 by 7 inch squares and then angled them up a total of about 3/8" or so to mimic the line of the inner envelope.  the inner envelope alone makes this project insanely stupid - an inner envelope is already a bit fancy and really, should just be ENOUGH.

I still have to do this at least 30 more times...

but i cant stop - oh no, all the wedding messageboards - they mock me.  they make envelope liners seem FUN!  DETAIL-COOL!  SO-IMPORTANT!  HOW COULD YOU NOT?

in all of this, i've realized one thing - i dont care about a perfect day, dont care about everything going off without a hitch...  what i care about is that no one thinks we cheaped out on anything.  because we didnt, but at the same time, in a world where people expect PLATINUM WEDDINGS and DAVID TUTERA makeovers, everything that isnt 100% top of the line high class - it somehow seems sub-par...  and we've spent a lot of time and money on this day - these 7 or so hours - and i would be horrified if somehow, all of that time and money and effort was judged to be anything less than awesome.  (not perfect, but awesome.  big difference)

all of this introspection from a little paper-cutting...  makes you wonder how anyone makes it out of wedding planning alive...

progress, progress, progress

i guess its something about knowing its less than 5 months away? or maybe its just that we've had enough of a break?  not sure, but this weekend seemed like progress.

bridesmaid dresses are all picked out.
my wedding band is purchased, his, we'll be looking at this week.
invitations are chosen.
my jewelry may be chosen.
my reception shoes may be chosen.

sure there are still some big - really big - things to figure out, but that was a LOT of progress for one little weekend!!!

(also, did i mention that we'd found string musicians with flexibility?  how exciting is that!?!?!)

i vote evite

i do not care about invitations.

repeat, i do not care about invitations.  dont want to spend the time to DIY, dont want to spend the $ for someone else to do it.  dont care, dont want to spend money.

yet, whether i care or not, i have to have them.  I've tried to pawn the task off on others but i keep failing - no one has come back with anything yet.

seriously, if only grandma would learn how to read email, i'd evite it and blame my hippie-dippy-crunchy-granola side (claiming green-ness) and be done with it!!!

string dilemma

well crap.

one of the few extravagances (you know, aside from the whole black-tie-wedding-in-manhattan-on-a-sat-night thing) i was planning for this wedding was live ceremony music...

so months ago, i found someone who was willing to do an arrangement of everlong and could play some other funky stuff and i was all set.

then i talked to someone else just to satisfy my 'i need multiple options' thing and when she sent me a contract (preemptively) found out that they had a policy of not playing below 65°.  but expect to be paid regardless (which i understand as they could have booked an indoor gig)

So, central park, October, 4pm and it cant be less than 65°?  i'll pass.

so then i thought, perhaps i should ask contestant #1 about their weather policy...  found out that, while it is a few degrees more generous (significant in october), its still similar...  so, WHY was i not told this when i originally inquired???  that totally annoyed me to no end...  however, in doing some research, apparently its pretty standard policy.

well crap.

so the question is, do we gamble?  Its more than a few dollars to hire these guys, especially since i NEED custom music (since dave grohl hasnt offered to come play me down the aisle) and i truly cant decide whether to go for it or not.    I mean, i REALLY want this - REALLY want the strings...  but who wants to pay $$$ to end up with an ipod boombox in the end?

best.ever!

so, we dont play the secret surprise shower game in my family because, um, DUH...

therefore, i know my sister is in the throes of shower-planning.  up until now its been brunch with the ladies - typical and very me, given my penchant for brunch...  however, yesterday she said something that sounded like the BEST.BRIDAL.SHOWER.EVER!

on the actual beach.

now i'm picturing sundresses, barbecue & coronas.

and OH MY GOD, that would be the best bridal shower ever invented.  ever.

the worst part about weddings...

...is that everyone complains about everything.

as a people pleaser, this is hard for me.  very hard.

also hard for me is to ask people to do things for me, so imagine how much i hate having bridesmaids.
first i have to guide them towards dresses.  which is a no-win.  If you pick one dress, they will invariably all hate it.  if you tell them they have free reign, they have to search high and low and waste tons of time.  I chose middle of the road - directed them to david's bridal and a specific color and length...  but even that is hard - they still have to take time out to go and try on dresses!

and then the shower...  they have to throw me a party.  oh, how fun for them!  oh wait, its not.  i feel horribly that people are spending time on this thing and that its surely causing them some level of stress as its just one.more.thing...

I petitioned my future husband to nix the whole bridal party thing but as a boy who dreamed about his wedding as a child (yeah, role reversal in a serious way here...) the idea of not having his friends all there with him was hard...  and it did occur to me that the entire responsibility of the shower would fall on my sister's shoulders if i didnt have a bridal party - so, torture one person more or 4 people less?  though, really, maybe my sister is more tortured by having to work with & around other people...  i dont know - does it help?  does it hurt?  who knows...

this all is way harder on me than trying to stay on budget in manhattan could ever be.

with 1 day to spare!

the dress has been ordered.

by the way, what everyone says is true - its 100% exactly the opposite of what i said i wanted.  In fact, there were 3 criteria that i said i wouldnt even consider in a dress.

this dress fits all 3.

very odd but i'm proud of myself for being so flexible!  ha!

dress, shmress

"order your dress with at least 6 months to go..."

whatever.  i have 6 months and 15 days which means i should be worried.  instead, i've been busy buying containers for the candy buffet, plates for the dessert spread and SHOES.  ceremony shoes have been ordered. the fact that i dont have a dress is totally secondary, right?  i mean, my shoes are BLUE so its not like they have to match.











oh, except that i said blue shoes for diamond white and green shoes for ivory.

oops.

oh well.

that explains so much

so, this whole time, i've been saying i wanted string music at our ceremony.  but i kept finding myself underwhelmed when i listened to cds.  None of them were really me at all...  they were too...  something.

however, i think i figured it out - i think it turns out that what i like is actually classical guitar.

who knew?

bonus points:  Everlong will sound way awesome on classical guitar :)

STDs

If you are a normal person reading this, you think i'm about to divulge all sorts of sorrid dirt about myself or the fiance, dont you?

If you are a soon to be or recent bride, you know that it couldnt be further from the truth...  I'm talking Save the Dates...

Originally i wanted to do a play on the whole priest/rabbi thing but since it looks like priests are too difficult to find, we had to scrap that one...  at which point i stopped caring about STDs.  but with a hotel block that expires 45 days before the wedding, we had to do something.

So we started messing around and then came up with an idea that we LOVED.  MTA signs.

what's more fun than that?

Its a 2 part -
<---the small part is a fridge magnet.





That fridge magnet will be attached to the larger, more detailed card and will appear like the larger picture on the left.


When the person receiving said STD removes the magnet, they will be left with the card on the right.



Now if only VistaPrint could get the magnets cut straight, we'd be in business!  We're in the process of waiting for our 3rd printing of these stupid things...  SO ANNOYING!

no priests but hey, we have flowers!

so much to do, so little motivation to do it...

this past weekend was a crazy-productive one though - a dress was chosen, centerpieces were practiced, and save the dates were created, uploaded and are currently printing.

not bad huh?

and i've realized that if i just get over my crazy desire for chiavari chairs, we can do the super-cool ceremony thing that we're planning.  woohoo!

burning it down

incase it isnt clear, i'm not always enjoying wedding planning.

the other day i took that luncheon idea and ran with it...  started with a small tift over save the dates and turned into an all out war that, it turns out, was actually me trying to 'burn it down' (as the FH likes to say).

by the end of the night he was saying he was on board if i couldnt deal.

the next day i told my mom that this wedding might not happen.  the marriage, yes, but the wedding, not so much.

thats when he took it seriously.  I guess until i'd said it to my mom, he didnt totally believe i'd follow through.

but as much as i'd like to burn it all down, i'm not going to.  I realize that a huge part of my problem with this wedding is feeling pressure.  pressure to plan perfectly.  pressure to stay on budget.  pressure to impress the right people.  pressure to not lose myself in it.  pressure to grow my hair so that it could be some magical style for 7 hours some day 9 months from now.  and learn the perfect skincare regimine so that i wouldnt be blemished and gross.  and oh, lose 35 or so pounds.

so i've given it all up.  no more pressure.  because last night i finally realized that the people who are going to judge my planning skills or the impressivness or the me-vs-him factors or the perfect hair or perfect skin or perfect body?  those are the people that i dont care about anyway.  those arent my nearest and dearest.  they are the ones i could cut off of the list and never even think about again.  no, the people i care about are there to have fun and celebrate and it wouldnt matter if we were on a beach drinking beers or in a converted neo-gothic church, they are going to see the glass as half full.

I'm going to chose to think of the fun people as my guests and the boring people as a way to transfer money from my father to myself (since he's paying and they're gifting). 

so there.

so over it.

oh my god, i seriously hate this. 

i'm so bored of wedding planning that it makes me just want to not plan the rest of it and whatever happens, happens.  i have NO desire to spend all of my otherwise free time worrying about all of this CRAP, because thats what it is - CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

i officially propose a private ceremony - us, our parents, grandmothers & sisters/BILs followed by lunch at artisanal with that same group.  done.

woo hoo!

THANKS NYC PARKS DEPARTMENT!!!

(our permit came in :) )