now we both hate the wedding.

the problem with being this close is that now, all of those projects that we'd do later - they have to be done now.

and last week, i got caught up in what has to be the most insane, out of control, pointless wedding project ever.

envelope liners.

no one except myself and other recent/soontobe brides will even notice that the envelope liners are there.  no one will care.  i dont even care - until i do.  because the place we were originally going to order these invites from - they had lined envelopes.  and then the place we ended up ordering from - they didnt.  I wouldnt have even given them a second thought except that first we had them and then we didnt.  so now, i obsess over the exact angle to cut the exact paper (which, it turns out, is actually a bit too dark - grr...) and the exact attachment method...

last night i cut 75 sheets of paper into perfect 8 5/8 by 7 inch squares and then angled them up a total of about 3/8" or so to mimic the line of the inner envelope.  the inner envelope alone makes this project insanely stupid - an inner envelope is already a bit fancy and really, should just be ENOUGH.

I still have to do this at least 30 more times...

but i cant stop - oh no, all the wedding messageboards - they mock me.  they make envelope liners seem FUN!  DETAIL-COOL!  SO-IMPORTANT!  HOW COULD YOU NOT?

in all of this, i've realized one thing - i dont care about a perfect day, dont care about everything going off without a hitch...  what i care about is that no one thinks we cheaped out on anything.  because we didnt, but at the same time, in a world where people expect PLATINUM WEDDINGS and DAVID TUTERA makeovers, everything that isnt 100% top of the line high class - it somehow seems sub-par...  and we've spent a lot of time and money on this day - these 7 or so hours - and i would be horrified if somehow, all of that time and money and effort was judged to be anything less than awesome.  (not perfect, but awesome.  big difference)

all of this introspection from a little paper-cutting...  makes you wonder how anyone makes it out of wedding planning alive...